We didn't feel the need to explain to our children that their beloved Uncle B had passed. Paxton was only 3 years old, Porter 1 and Charlotte 1 month. We knew they wouldn't understand it, nor did we care to teach them about it at such a painful time for me and Scott. What we decided to do instead was help our children to remember the most important things about Brent while he was alive.
These are the things that I want my kids to know about their Uncle B...
He was so incredibly lovable. Brent was deemed the "gentle giant" mostly because of his size and jokester personality. But to me he was the "gentle giant" because of his tenderness and interest in getting to know me. One of the first times I hung out with Brent was on 4th of July. We went to Scott's mom's house to shoot off fireworks since they live outside city limits. I, having grown up with one sister, am not much for horsing around. (Scott and Brent would call this fun-hater. I would call this being a grown up!) Scott and B were throwing lit black cats at each other and it was making me a nervous wreck. Scott thinks it's hilarious, of course, that I am so annoyed. Brent can tell it's making me uncomfortable and since I was new to the madness he stops to come and sit and talk to me. This is when I knew we were going to be good friends. One of the last conversations I had with Brent was when I was SUPER pregnant with Charlotte. He sat and asked me so many questions about being pregnant and how I was feeling, and I could tell he was truly interested. I loved him for this genuine interest in getting to know me better, even 10 years later.
He loved music. One of my best memories of Brent was when he would come to OKC to spend the night with us and he would bring his guitar. He would play for Paxton, and Paxton loved it! He would also let Pax play with his guitar too. Every time he would walk into our house Pax would ask where his guitar was.
He loved my husband and my kids like crazy. Brent would come to visit us all the time after we moved from Tulsa to OKC. He would sleep on our floor and never complained about it. He just wanted to be around his brother and his nephews. They would play games and talk history and other nerdy stuff like that. He loved being at our house and we loved having him.
He loved melee. I don't know much about this, but I do know he was so proud of his role in the Tulsa Melee league. He would bring his armour and stuff to show it off to us. I wish I had more to write about this, but I don't know much about it. I just know I want my kids to know how much he loved it.
He was creative. He would make funny things for me and the kids on the computer all the time. He made this series of hilarious photos of Paxton that I hope I can find in cyberspace somewhere.
He was so much more, but these are the main things I want my children to know about him. I want them to know how much we love him and how much he loved them. Scott and I decided a while ago that we were not going to memorialize the day that Brent passed. We have decided to have happy memories and to focus on those and try our hardest not to let our sadness get the best of us. Obviously this is easier said than done, but today I will force myself to be happy that I know Brent. That I love him and was able to be a part of his life and him a part of mine. I know he is so proud of how good Porter is on the drums, and how Paxton has learned to ride a big boy bike. He never met Charlotte face-to-face, but I know he loves her spit-fire personality. His presence on Earth is gone, but will never be forgotten. We love you B!
Kate - I was driving a van full of teenagers to Chicago that day, but I thought about Brent all that day and about Scott and Eric and how all of y'all must miss him so much. I wanted to call Tonette but I didn't think she would want to talk and I was driving anyway. Thanks for posting this.
ReplyDelete