If I had to chose just one...

If I had to choose just one picture to describe me and Scott it would be this...

Seriously, Scott??!!

Something to Celebrate!

I've always loved Holidays. Getting together with friends and family, eating, drinking, etc. is always a blast. However, I've never made that big of a deal out of most holidays because they always seem to stress me out a little bit. It seems like there is always a holiday, birthday, or anniversary every time I turn around. Most holidays revolve around presents and parties, and to be quite honest, I get caught up in the expense and time it takes to make the day special which stresses me out a bit. As a result I think I have lost the excitement and true meaning of most celebrations, because it is truly just that. It isn't about a party or presents or making the most delicious meal. It is about celebrating.

There are certain people in my life that can put things into perspective for me without even trying. This girl is one of them.

We were having a casual conversation about how big our kids are all getting and how it is unbelievable that her daughter is the very age we were when we became best friends. How she has been married for almost 13 years and me almost 8, and how when you are only 30 that is about 1/3rd of your life!!! :) This led us to mention that, considering staying married for a lifetime is really hard work, celebrating anniversaries should really be a bigger deal.

This got me thinking about all holidays in general. The hustle and bustle of life can sometimes get in the way of remembering what is really important. From now on I am going to make it a point to really celebrate everything that deserves celebrating. This does not mean having the biggest, best birthday parties for my kids, or going crazy buying Christmas presents. This doesn't mean that I will be expecting diamonds from Scott on our anniversary (don't tell him I said this just in case he feels led to do that one of these days! :D), or even phone calls from all my friends on my birthday. This means I am going to try and really remember what that particular day is special for and celebrate just that. To remember on the kid's birthdays just how unbelievably lucky I am that they were born, and not get caught up in the party or the presents. On Thanksgiving, I will try my best this year to not get stressed about making the most perfect side dish and making it to all the places we need to be, but to be thankful for the fact that I have family to share the day with and food to eat. I won't even get started on Christmas. I spend more time thinking up/stressing over the perfect gift for everyone than anything else, which is obviously so irreverent. And next year on my anniversary I am going to try and remember that being married for 8 years is no small feat, and hopefully to be married for 60 more, I will need to nurture and care for my marriage just like I do for my children.

Since I have had children I have been trying to think of the perfect holiday traditions to make the day special for my kids. I think just celebrating the day together, as a family, and embracing the meaning of the day could possibly be the best tradition yet!

Sisters

I have a bond with my sister that is unexplainable. It isn't your typical sister/sister relationship. With there being 11 years age difference we have the potential to have nothing in common. This has never been the case. At age 30 and 41 we are best friends and so much more. But we always have been. It was the same when I was 1 and she was 12, and when I was 16 and she was 27, and when I was 21 and she was 32.

When I was 1 and she was 12 I was her baby doll. Adrienne and her friends would carry me around and dote on me like I was their real life baby doll. When I was 16 and she was 27 she was like a second mother. I would call Adrienne and run things by her and ask her for advice just about every day. When I was 21 and she was 32 she was my best friend. I would talk to her for 2 hours every day to and from work on her dreaded LA commute.

Adrienne and I only lived in the same house for 7 years of my life. When I was 7 she moved out and went to college. There was the occasional summer here or few months there that she moved back in with us, but for the most part we only lived together for a short while. We have lived in different states for over half of my life. Physical distance has never made a difference in our relationship. When I needed her for ANYTHING she was there. If I needed to talk she made time, and if I needed her in person she got on a plane.

Although they will always feel the bond we have, it will be too hard for me to articulate to my kids just how much I love her, and how much she means to me, so I want to share some stories of how she has always been there for me in a way like no other.

When I was in my teenage years Adrienne knew I would need her more than I had in the past. There were so many things that were happening in my life that I would need my confidant, my sister to be there for. Nothing out of the ordinary, just being a teenager is hard in general. So Adrienne moved from LA, where she loved living, to Dallas to be closer to me.

When I was getting married she was on a plane to and from LA for every shower, bachelorette party, etc. She planned this killer bachelorette party for me in Oklahoma, spent tons of money on it, flew home for it, and I was so sick I only attended about half of it. She entertained all of my friends and had a blast as usual.

When I was pregnant with Paxton she flew home from LA several weekends in a row so she could be with me every step of the way. And when I was in the hospital after delivery she organized everything in my house and got it perfect for me to bring my new baby home. She was also in the room for the birth of all 3 of my children and was taking pictures and keeping everyone updated on the baby.

Adrienne just had her first biological child, but she really had 3 before Avery was born! :) She loves my children like they are her own. And I never knew just how much you could love someone else's child until Avery was born because I feel the same way about her.

These are just a few of millions of examples of her awesomeness. She is my best friend in the world.

In the past I wondered if Charlotte was going to miss out on something not having a sister. The way I love my sister is so special I wanted her to have that too. Now that all the kids are getting a little bigger I have come to realize that Charlotte will have a bond with her brothers that is beyond wonderful. She will also have a bond with Avery that goes beyond cousins. They will grow up to be like sisters!

I thank my mom for nurturing my relationship with my sister. She always encouraged Adrienne and I to be the kind of sisters that were inseparable even if we were separated. There has never been any sibling rivalry. Just love and respect and closeness, and this was promoted by my mother. I couldn't be more thankful for that.

My kids love "sissy" in a way that is more than an aunt. I know they will always feel something so special for her, and I am so happy our kids get to grow up together.

Ignorance is Bliss

Paxton is smart. I'm not bragging because, frankly, I don't care if my kids are smart. I mean don't get me wrong, I want them to always do their best at whatever it is that they do, but if their best isn't straight A's their whole life then I'm not going to be sad about it. I just want them to be caring and compassionate and inclusive of everyone they meet. So I guess basically, I don't care if they are smart I just want them to be popular! I kid, I kid! Really, I am kidding!!! But I do want them to be nice. (Scott, on the other hand, DOES want them to be smart! :D So I will leave the teaching up to him). So that's why I can say Paxton is smart and not feel like I am being braggy.

This is a blessing and a curse to my little buddy. He is currently obsessed with bugs. He got a bug kit one day weeks ago. In the kit was a book about bugs, a bottle to trap them in, a magnifying glass, and a few other tools to go on a "bug hunt." In the book they describe lots of bugs and if they sting they call these "no touch bugs." The book is so worn out it's falling apart. The front and back cover are missing and the pages are all tattered. The kid loves this book, but as a result he now knows that wasps and bees and the like are "no touch bugs." This makes him a tad afraid of these types of bugs. And when I say a tad afraid I mean SUPER afraid.

We were swimming at Aunt Karla's house the other day and I had stripped the boys clothes off outside to put their swimsuits on. They both run over to pee in the bushes before they get in the pool. Paxton looks down at his feet and there are a few dead wasps on the ground. Let the freaking out commence. He runs up to me and this is how it goes, "Oh my goodness!! WASPS!!! Did I step on them? Did they sting me? Oh no mommy am I hurt?!?! Porter!! Porter!! Back up there are wasps over there! They might sting you!"

And Porter's response?? "Naw I'm just gonna pee on them."

Sometimes ignorance IS bliss!

Identity Crisis

I think Porter might have a bit of an identity crisis! :) But he looks so good in pink!!!

Then and Now

Then...



Now...




Then...

Now...

Then...

And I'm just going to leave it at that folks!

Uncle B

One year ago today we lost a very important member of our family. Scott lost his brother, I lost my brother-in-law, my kids lost their Uncle B, my mother-in-law lost her son, and so many lost their friend.

We didn't feel the need to explain to our children that their beloved Uncle B had passed. Paxton was only 3 years old, Porter 1 and Charlotte 1 month. We knew they wouldn't understand it, nor did we care to teach them about it at such a painful time for me and Scott. What we decided to do instead was help our children to remember the most important things about Brent while he was alive.

These are the things that I want my kids to know about their Uncle B...

He was so incredibly lovable. Brent was deemed the "gentle giant" mostly because of his size and jokester personality. But to me he was the "gentle giant" because of his tenderness and interest in getting to know me. One of the first times I hung out with Brent was on 4th of July. We went to Scott's mom's house to shoot off fireworks since they live outside city limits. I, having grown up with one sister, am not much for horsing around. (Scott and Brent would call this fun-hater. I would call this being a grown up!) Scott and B were throwing lit black cats at each other and it was making me a nervous wreck. Scott thinks it's hilarious, of course, that I am so annoyed. Brent can tell it's making me uncomfortable and since I was new to the madness he stops to come and sit and talk to me. This is when I knew we were going to be good friends. One of the last conversations I had with Brent was when I was SUPER pregnant with Charlotte. He sat and asked me so many questions about being pregnant and how I was feeling, and I could tell he was truly interested. I loved him for this genuine interest in getting to know me better, even 10 years later.

He loved music. One of my best memories of Brent was when he would come to OKC to spend the night with us and he would bring his guitar. He would play for Paxton, and Paxton loved it! He would also let Pax play with his guitar too. Every time he would walk into our house Pax would ask where his guitar was.

He loved my husband and my kids like crazy. Brent would come to visit us all the time after we moved from Tulsa to OKC. He would sleep on our floor and never complained about it. He just wanted to be around his brother and his nephews. They would play games and talk history and other nerdy stuff like that. He loved being at our house and we loved having him.

He loved melee. I don't know much about this, but I do know he was so proud of his role in the Tulsa Melee league. He would bring his armour and stuff to show it off to us. I wish I had more to write about this, but I don't know much about it. I just know I want my kids to know how much he loved it.

He was creative. He would make funny things for me and the kids on the computer all the time. He made this series of hilarious photos of Paxton that I hope I can find in cyberspace somewhere.

He was so much more, but these are the main things I want my children to know about him. I want them to know how much we love him and how much he loved them. Scott and I decided a while ago that we were not going to memorialize the day that Brent passed. We have decided to have happy memories and to focus on those and try our hardest not to let our sadness get the best of us. Obviously this is easier said than done, but today I will force myself to be happy that I know Brent. That I love him and was able to be a part of his life and him a part of mine. I know he is so proud of how good Porter is on the drums, and how Paxton has learned to ride a big boy bike. He never met Charlotte face-to-face, but I know he loves her spit-fire personality. His presence on Earth is gone, but will never be forgotten. We love you B!

A Happy Heart

I love my life. Everything about it actually. I adore my husband more and more every day. My kids, well they are the most perfect angels God ever created. I love my family like crazy. My mom, dad, sister and I are thick as thieves. My in-laws are amazing. My friends are one of a kind. I love my house, my dorky, mini van, etc., etc. All that being said sometimes life gets in the way of living. I try and maintain a happy heart and healthy honest relationships with the ones I love. This too is much more complicated for me than it may sound. I have a 4, 2 and 1 year old, and as everyone knows this gets very demanding physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

I pray. A lot. I read books. I ask people for advice. I listen. And I still fail. I try and live my life knowing that each day is a gift. That we are only here for a short time and this is my life, my awesome life, and not my sentence. This is what I have chosen for myself with guidance from God, my husband, my parents, my sister, my friends, yet still I find myself overwhelmed and overlooking the beauty in the little things.

In a conversation with one of my best friends (who I look up to, and turn to for almost everything) she mentioned that in a book she was reading something really stood out. It was talking about doing everything with the excitement of a 3 year old feeding the ducks. This really hit home because my little Paxie boys is a living example of this happiness every day. We seriously have been to the Oklahoma City Zoo about 150,000 times. Every time we go he acts like it's the first time he has been. We go swimming every day. You would never be able to tell. He seriously is the happiest, most fun loving child that sometimes it brings tears to my eyes to see him experience new things. Every time we have visitors to Jenks we have pretty much the same routine. We take them to eat at Los Cabos Mexican Restaurant and then go to the Aquarium. Paxton is the best tour guide. He has been to the Aquarium probably 20 times in the last few months, yet he is still so excited to share it with everyone he loves. This is how I want to live my life. With the excitement of a 4 year old going to the Aquarium!

With Mema and Pops!

With Laura!

With Corbin (and Jenn and Carson not pictured)!

Little Drummer Boy

Scott likes to take the kids to have one-on-one dates every Saturday morning. We always try and think of something that highlights their individuality since we spend so much time together. Porter is obsessed with drumming so Scott took him to The Guitar Center to look at the drums. You never know we could have the next....wait I don't know any famous drummers, but you get the idea.

Such a good mommy!

And NO I am not talking about myself! Although....Kidding, kidding! It has been so fun having a baby girl. I, of course, adore my boys and always knew I was going to have little boys. I always said to myself that God would give me boys because I am so unequipped to handle boy things. This is a lesson I knew I needed to learn and Paxton and Porter (and Scott for that matter) have been such good teachers. I know all sorts of boy things that I wouldn't have known without these precious angels. Like every dinosaur that ever walked the Earth and what they ate. Every type of train, truck and bug on the planet. Not to mention all the rough housing that goes on around here that makes me a nervous wreck. The other day Scott came up behind me and put an enormous worm in my face. I screamed bloody murder (as Paxton likes to say) and the boys laughed for days over that. I still can not find even an ounce of humor in this, but apparently to boys this sort of thing is funny.

Because of all this boys stuff I have grown accustomed to over the past 4 years, watching Charlotte play is so adorable to me it is unreal. The boys have always hated anything stuffed. Stuffed animals, baby dolls, etc terrified Paxton, and Porter just wants nothing to do with them. They are more interested in things with wheels. Charlotte, on the other hand, is OBSESSED with her baby dolls! Today she was sitting in her high chair feeding "big baby" (this is the name the boys have given Charlotte's favorite baby doll because it looks like Big Baby from Toy Story 3) toast. When she was finished eating she walks up to me as I am washing dishes and hands me big baby. I said, "do you want me to wash big baby?" since her head was covered in butter. Charlotte nods so I wash her face, hands and feet. I turn around to hand her the baby back and she is holding up a towel for me to dry the baby off. I wrap big baby up in a towel and hand her back to Charlotte. Charlotte takes the baby immediately into the bathroom where she pulls off a piece of toilet paper and says "poo poo" and wipes the baby's bottom. Then she carries the baby back into the living room, lays her down, covers her up with the towel, and says "night night" before she walks away! This little girl is going to be such a good mommy someday! Either she watches me do this altogether too much, or she just has a very creative imagination. I am going to go with the imagination. I remember going into my ultrasound with Charlotte convinced we were having another boy, and honestly I was happy about that. When the ultrasound tech said it was a girl I started sobbing, as usual, and I looked at Scott and said, "I didn't even know I wanted a girl until I just found out we were having one!" I am still reminded of this every day.

Watching all of their personalities develop is one of my favorite things so far!

**The first picture is one Paxton took himself!!**

Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair. Or mommy will work just fine too!

Most kids have a "lovey." It's usually a blanket, stuffed animal, maybe a favorite toy or pillow. Paxton had a "sliky." He had a "big silk," which was a blue Little Giraffe blanket. And a "little silk," which was a smaller white Little Giraffe blanket. He would carry those silkys around with him everywhere, and when he was putting himself to sleep he would rub it on his face and in his ears and between his toes. Pretty much anywhere he could think of to rub the silky edges of that blanket on his body he would. It was so sweet and adorable to watch him do this. It was so tattered and worn out by the time he gave it up I couldn't decide whether or not to keep it in his memory box. I mean it was REALLY worn out. (I did keep the little silk by the way. I just couldn't part with it.) When he gave up the pacifier he pretty much gave up the silky too. I never thought he would let it go, but he was pretty anxious to enter into big boy-dum. It was a bittersweet moment. Although I am fully aware the attachment to a lovey is very normal, in fact it is almost life saving at times, Porter has a little different approach to the lovey.

Porter wants to play with my hair. He has done this since he was a little baby. It started when I was nursing him. He would twirl my hair in his fingers. Then it progressed to when I was laying down with him to go to sleep he would run his fingers through my hair. And then when he was sitting next to me on the couch reading books. And yesterday I was washing dishes and he proceeds to drag a chair from the kitchen table up next to me at the sink so he can "pull mommy's hair while she is washing dishes." And he has a method to this madness. He starts at the root and runs his fingers all the way through to the end. My hair is Porter's lovey! Now that he is a little bit bigger and you can reason with him a bit, I will try and put a hold on the hair pulling until it is bed time. In all honesty it is sweet to me that he does this, but I am not going to lie and and act like it doesn't drive me crazy at times. Only because it hurts a bit and it inevitably ends up tickling my face. So at one point (in the height of the hair pulling situation) I got desperate. I could not sleep with Porter all night long seeing as I had a new baby to take care of. This led me on the mad search to find something to replace my mane in his hands. Sooooooo what do I find you might ask??!! A Barbie doll wig! Who knew they made such a thing, but they do, and IT WORKED! I would lay down with him until he fell asleep and then slip the Barbie wig into his hand. This may sound crazy to some people, but hey a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. That big black blob in the photo above...Barbie doll hair. He has moved past the wigs seeing as he has a real life person to snuggle all night long now in his big brother. Just as Paxton gave up the silky, Porter too will give up the hair one of these days. I know there will come a day when I long for Porter to snuggle up next to me in bed and twirl my hair. Maybe some day, but not any time soon I don't believe. :)