Nights like this

Tonight was cool and rainy so we had the windows open and the breeze coming in.  We ate dinner.  The boys wrestled and laughed with each other on the couch.  Charlotte danced with her daddy and squeezed his cheeks between her chubby little palms and told him how much she loves him.  I made chocolate chip cookies.  We ate (tons) of cookies.  The boys played a video game and when Porter got to a part where he needed help he yelled for his brother.  Paxton responded with, "A brother's work is never done." We listened to everyone's best and worst parts of their day.  We heard all about "the kisser girls" on the playground.  We laughed.  We tickled each other.  We picked out a few things to take to the hospital for the baby.  We read books.  We listened to music.  We prayed. We meditated.  We did the same things we do every night, pretty much.  Nothing exciting, nothing different, nothing unusual.

After the kids went to bed and I was cleaning up, I had this overwhelming feeling to stop and be so very thankful for nights like these.  Life is already starting to get hectic with school, and soccer, and gymnastics, and piano, and family and friends.  I want to remember these nights when our family had the chance to just BE.  Be together.  Be bored.  Be friends.  Be silly.  Be lazy.  Be cozy.  Be stuffed full of a yummy dinner we got to all eat together.  Be whatever we wanted to be.  Together.

Charlotte's 2nd Birthday in Photos

We just had a little family swim party at Karla and Dale's house.  The only birthday request was a princess cake.  I did my best.  Vegan princess cake is harder than it sounds! :)

It was a perfect little party for our perfect little 2 year old!!!  We are so lucky to have such an awesome extended family!  Grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and tons of cousins make for perfect birthday guests!  

2

Dear Charlotte,

You are 2!!!  I can't even believe it!  And I don't even know where to begin.

This has been such a fun year with you.  You have changed from a baby to a toddler right before our eyes.  You are offically one of the big kids now.  I have so many things I want to remember about you right at this very moment...

- You are hysterical.  Every day you say and do the funniest things that leave all of us cracking up.  For instance, today at the pool you insisted on taking your life jacket off.  I told you that you must leave it on because it was keeping you safe.  You reply in your most whiny teenager voice, "It's not keeping me safe, it's making me MAD!"  And with that you just took it right off and proceeded to swim around, life jacketless.  Which leads me to...

 - You are a spitfire.  With a complete mind of your own.  You will do what you want to do, when you want to do it.  You are so capeable of gettine things done for yourself.  If you need something and no one is  accomidating you fast enough, you will just do it yourself.

- You are so sweet to me it is unbelievable.  You hug and kiss me hundreds of times a day.  You will say to me, "I love you so much mommy.  You my bessssssst friend," multiple times a day.  And I can never get enough of it.  You love me so much that when I leave your sight, or someone else tries to hold or love on you, you get a little aggitated.  I love the way you love me.  We really are best friends.

- You love for your daddy to "get you."  He will be sitting doing something completely unrelated to "getting you" and you will look at him and say, "Don't get me daddy!!!  Ahhhhhhhhhh!"  And take off running in the other direction.  You love to play and wrestle with your daddy and you sneak in some kisses and hugs too!

- You are 1000% girl.  We always wondered if you would be a tomboy growing up with two older brothers very close in age.  Nope.  Not going to happen.  You INSIST on wearing jewelry, "wipstick," dresses, and princess shoes, at all times.  Even to bed.  You will not sleep in normal pj's.  It must be a dress or look somewhat "princess."  Your favorite color is pink, your favorite book is Pinkalicious, you love "jewelries," and sit still as a statue for me to paint your toes and nails upon your request.

-  You love to play with your brothers, but insist your part in the play time is somewhat "princessy." When the boys play superheroes you will run around with them and say you are "superhero princess."  The boys were playing a pretend game of basketball and Paxton deemed himself Kevin Durant while Porter was Russel Westbrook.  They were making me cheer for them so I was yelling, "THUNDER! GOOOOOO THUNDER!"  And you chime in, "PRINCESS!  GOOOOOOOO PRINCESS!"  Apparently you were playing princess basketball.

- You love to dance.  And you have great rhythm.  You must have gotten that from me! :)

- You have an amazing vocabulary and surprise us with the things you say and pick up on.  Today alone these things have come out of your mouth:
    While backing out of the driveway, "Mommy, put on your seatbelt!"
    While sitting in the bathroom while Paxton poops, "That's concusting."  What Charlotte?  "I said that concusting."  What does that mean, Charlotte? "Bubba poo poo tinks.  It mells concusting."  Well then get out of the bathroom so you don't have to smell his disgusting poop, Charlotte! "Noooooooo!"
    I hurt myeslf and was crying a little when you approach, "What happened?"  Nothing, sis, I'm ok.  "Don't frow a fit then. Deep brefs, Mommy."  Thanks, Charlotte.
    While eating the sunbutter and jelly sandwich that you requested and subsquently changed your mind about, "I not want this.  It's yucky!"  Why is it yucky, Charlotte?  "Because it's not yummy, so it's yucky!"  Touche, sister!
You are never at a loss for words, and we are always left laughing when we hear what you have to say!

- You are everyone's baby girl and we are all completely obsessed with you.  Your brothers hug and kiss you so many times a day and give you what ever you want.  They just want you to be happy!

You are our angel.  Our one and only baby girl who we love so much.  You are sweet, sassy, loving, soft, rough, caring, bossy, opinionated, adorable, spicy, funny, little sidekick in the world.  And we all love you to pieces.  I can't believe it has only been and has already been 2 years since we met you for the first time, although you have lived in our hearts forever!  Happy 2nd birthday Baby Girl!  No matter how many times you tell us you are a "big durl" you will always be our baby!

LOVE YOU!

Three Little Big Kids

I always have hated cliche sayings, but there is a reason they become cliche.  The saying, "Time flies when you are having fun!" is our motto this summer.  And somehow during all of this fun the kids have all grown into new phases of their lives and personalities.

Paxton is a swimming fool!  He started swim lessons in January and had no concept of swimming before he started.  He wouldn't even go under water.  He has really amazed us with his progress over the past few months and especially since the summer started.  At the pool we go to there is a monster slide that you have to pass a swim test to go down.  You have to swim 25 meters unassisted without stopping.  I was truly shocked when today he did just that!  And subsequently went down the slide a hundred times.  He is becoming so brave and confident.  Pax has always been very aware of the consequences of things, thus a little timid when trying new things.  I am really so proud of his new found confidence with his swimming.  Now riding a bike without training wheels is a different story! :) But one thing at a time!

Porter is also swimming so well for his age, however, you still can't take your eyes off of him for a split second.  Unlike Pax, Porter has no fear with trying new things and can get a bit ahead of himself at times.  He has, however, started to form his own opinion more than ever before.  In the past Porter has always fallen in line with what Paxton decides to do.  Don't get me wrong, he still follows his big brother around like a shadow, but if he really wants to do one thing and Pax is doing something different he will decide to do what he wants more than he ever has before.  I think with Paxton starting full day school next year Porter will get a confidence booster being the biggest boy in the house for 7 hours a day.

Charlotte has crossed the threshold from being the baby to being one of the big kids.  She is still stuck to me like glue, but now she will disappear from my side for me to find her playing right along with her brothers.  She is entering the terrible 2's for sure, but is really surprising us with her ability to keep up with her brothers.  Her vocabulary is incredible, and she says the funniest things.  Although not always the nicest things, she always keeps us entertained!    

With the new baby coming in a few months, I have really tried to soak up every single moment with my three little big kids.  I will be out of the loop as far as my ability to participate in every single moment of their fun with a newborn, so I am so thankful for this summer where we are all together having a blast every day.  A few highlights have been:  frontier city, swimming every day, a long stay at Mema and Pops house, the water park, the park, hanging out with friends, the water slide at Noni and Roberts, just to name a few.  I have tons of photos I need to dump from my phone but haven't just yet.  

Although it is getting HOT HOT HOT we are loving every minute of our summer break.  It is going to be so hard for me to send my Biggest Little Big Kid to school in just over a month.  We will all miss him like crazy.  

Toys R Us?? More like Toys R Nuts!

The kids and I went to Toys R Us today to find Charlotte's birthday present.  I NEVER go to Toys R Us, and I am pretty sure the boys have only been there about 2 times in their entire lives.  Charlotte has never been.

I wanted to get Charlotte a kitchen for her birthday.  I browsed while I was at Target doing my grocery shopping and found nothing.  I could have ordered it off of the internet, but I didn't want to pay a ton for shipping (plus, true to Kate fashion, I waited too long to order it) so Toys R Us was my only option.

We walked in and I think my kids went into sensory overload.  The boys were jumping from one toy to the next asking what we were going to buy.  Charlotte was in the basket screaming, "There's my Dora!  There's my Princess!  I want my giraffe!" Pretty much every toy we passed she screamed this.  I was on a mission to find my one item and get out of there.

I grabbed the kitchen, put all of the toys that the kids had knocked off the shelves back in their appropriate spots and went to the register.  When we went to checkout with not ONE extra toy and no one begging or throwing a fit I stood there so proud of my little clan.  No one was upset or angry that they were leaving empty handed.  I had found the kitchen that I wanted was on sale for over half off, which I was really proud of as well.  So what do you think I did??????  Well I did what any sucker would do and I got out of line and let my kids go pick out a toy.  What is wrong with me!?!?!?!  We need more toys like we need a hole in the head.  I was actually spending less money than I had planned for once in my life.  No one asked for anything or even wanted anything to be real honest, and I got out of the check out line and went back into the depths of Toys R Us for my kids to waste more money on toys!

There is something wrong with me.  I will not be going back there again for a really long time.  Not because my kids acted crazy, but because I did!!!  I just get so soft when they are all sitting there looking like adorable little munchkins and get I get WEAK!  Those sweet precious little faces impair my judgement from time to time!

Pregnancy #4...The Facts

I haven't been blogging for a long time, and I feel a little sad about that.  So many fun things have been going on with the kids that I have failed to document which was the whole purpose for starting this blog in the first place.  I am going to start playing catch up a bit, and I think this is an appropriate place to start considering this is why I feel off the blogging wagon for a bit.  I am going to start with the facts.  I will get to the feelings in another post.  To go at it with the facts and the emotions all in one post would take me FOREVER to get through.  I will split it up as both the facts and the feelings will be better understood this way.

This pregnancy started off similar to all the others.  Crazy excited, super surprised, a little scared, EXTREMELY nauseated, incredibly lucky, thankful beyond belief.

I picked an OB/GYN based on one of my best friends recommendations.  She really loved this doctor and his office was close to my house and he delivered at the hospital I wanted to deliver at so I was pretty convinced.  Oh, and he did an ultrasound at every appointment which was an added bonus!  Luckily, I had already made an appointment for a checkup months before finding out I was pregnant so I just changed that to a prenatal appointment, and I got in to see him pretty quickly after finding out.  I really liked him straight out of the gate.  He did an ultrasound and we saw a little tiny heartbeat.  I was immediately in love once again.

Skip past the disgusting nausea and a lot of respiratory illness being passed around our house, finding out we were having another baby boy, and a lot of traveling for Scott to my 16 week appointment.  I had an ultrasound, as usual.  Dr. N pointed out that the babies kidney's were slightly enlarged, however, he stressed this was very common in boys.  Me, being the Google M.D. that I am, pushed and pushed him to tell me everything and anything that could be causing the enlarged kidneys.  Hesitantly, he goes through the list which started with nothing at all and ended with Down's Syndrome.  Since this was my 16 week appointment I opted for the Quad Screen blood work that I have opted out of during every other pregnancy.  This blood test is a "screening" not a diagnostic test, which I knew, but I wanted to have it anyway.  Now we wait 7-10 days for results.

I got the call from Dr. N over a week later that my blood work had come back "abnormal."  This screening test gives you a risk factor for having a baby with a specific birth defect.  Everyone my age, race, etc. starts out with a 1/680 chance of having a baby with Down's Syndrome.  My test results returned a risk factor of 1/128 chance of having a baby with DS.  So on we go to the Perinatologist for further testing.

Because I have the best doctor ever, I got in to see the Perinatologist a week (instead of a month) later for a level 2 ultrasound.  I went to this ultrasound knowing that I would not get a yes or no if the baby had DS, and if I wanted to know for sure I could do an amniocentesis after my ultrasound.  After my ultrasound, Dr. B let me know that the ultrasound returned nothing abnormal other than the slightly enlarged kidneys (I don't know exactly what the percentages mean, but normal kidneys are about 28%, our babies were 32%), however with the quad screen results and the enlarged kidneys we were given a 1/64 chance that the baby had DS.  Obviously, I can do math and know that this still gave us less than a 2% chance of having a baby with DS, but I also knew that the odds went from being 1/680 to 1/64.  Dr. B went on to explain that the only way to know with more accuracy was to (1) wait until the baby was born since the outcome of the pregnancy would not change either way, (2) travel to a large city (LA, San Diego, Chicago, etc) for a brand new blood test that was not yet offered in Oklahoma called the MaterniT21, however this would not be covered by my insurance and would probably cost us an arm and a leg but was less invasive and 99% accurate, or (3) have an amniocentesis which poses a risk of miscarriage.  I kept looking at her and looking at Scott wanting someone to tell me what to do.  I knew that knowing wouldn't change how much I already loved my baby, however I have 3 other young children that I want to prepare for their new brother as best as I can.  Finally, Dr. B told me not to decide that day.  To go home and pray/sleep/discuss it and call back and they could schedule me for the anmio if that's what I decided.

We went home and did just that and I decided that I really wanted to know.  I am a planner and a researcher and I wanted to be as prepared as I possibly could be.  I went for my level 2 ultrasound on Tuesday.  On Wednesday I called to make an appointment for the anmio.  They had one opening in the next week and it was the next day.  I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible so I went ahead and made the appointment for the next day.

I went in Thursday (2 days after my initial appointment with Dr. B) to have an amniocentesis (which I was terrified about, but I will get to the feelings later).  I went back into the room and a few minutes later Dr. B comes walking in with a huge smile on her face and says, "I think it is a sign.  Guess what was on my desk when I got to work this morning?  12 boxes of the MaterniT21 blood test!"  That is the same blood test she had told me about 2 days before that was not offered in Oklahoma.  She went on to tell me that she had not been contacted by a drug rep and didn't know anything about the test, so she called the company and got all the info and if I wanted to do it I would be the first patient in OK to have it done.  Of course my sister and I (she went with me because Scott couldn't go) both immediately said a loud Thank You to God and opted for the the blood test over the anmio right away!  The test took 10 business days to get back, but whatever results I got would be 99.1% accurate.

8 days later I got a call from Dr. B that the test showed "negative" for DS.  This sent my risk factor to 1/6400.

From start to finish it was several weeks and a whole range of different emotions.  Needless to say, we have no guarantees of having a perfectly healthy baby, as no one does.  What we do know now is that the babies kidneys are not enlarged due to DS, and now we continue to monitor the babies kidneys throughout the rest of the pregnancy, and we continue to pray for our son the way we have since the first day we found out we were pregnant and every day since.

Now I am almost 24 weeks pregnant and excited beyond belief to meet the newest addition to our family, just as we have been each and every day of this pregnancy, just as we will be until the day he makes his debut.  We all love him so much and are so thankful for this gift from God that is our fourth child.  Our third son.  Our baby brother.  Our Angel.

Too good to be true

I went in for my OB appointment a couple of weeks ago. I was 13 weeks, and my doctor does an ultrasound every appointment so I knew I was going to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl. I had a good feeling it was a boy but wanted confirmation. Scott was out of town so I had to go by myself, which was fine. It's funny how when I was pregnant with Paxton, Scott went to every appointment. When I was pregnant with Porter he went to about every other appointment. When I was pregnant with Charlotte he went to the one where we had an ultrasound. This time I guess he won't be going to any! :) It is really okay though. There's really not much reason for him to go because I am really good at giving him all the details! Anyway I had to see the PA (who I had never met) because the Doctor had just left for a delivery. She comes in and starts in with the ultrasound and I can see the good stuff. I say, "Is it a boy?!?!?" She looks at me wondering if I'm sure I want to know and I nod her on. "Yes!!! It's a boy!!" I immediately burst into tears.

This was the appointment that I had been looking forward to. To know that the baby was still growing and developing as he should be. It really solidified things for me. Instead of we are having another baby, we are having a baby BOY!!! I was sobbing, which if you know me even a little you know this is NOT out of the ordinary. It doesn't take much for me to shed a tear, and if I have even the slightest reason, happy or sad, I turn into a sack of sobs. It freaked out that poor PA though, I could tell. She kept asking me if I was ok. I think at one point she asked me if I needed a moment. I told her I was fine, that I just was just a crier and she left as quick as she could. I got myself together and got my things and walked out to leave. The Dr. had just come back from his delivery and grabs me to ask what I found out. I, again, burst into tears and yell IT'S A BOY!!!! He bursts into laughter as I have warned him that he will see me cry pretty much every appointment when I see the baby's face. His sweet nurse asks me if I am ok and I just looked at her and said, "I just feel like my life is too good to be true!" Then I tell her that I think I made the PA nervous. She said that a lot of people come in to find out and it is not what they were wanting and they leave in a puddle of tears because they are upset. That's a little interesting to me, but different strokes for different folks I guess. I assured her that I was thrilled to be having a boy and I promised I would get it together!

I really wish I had better control over my emotions sometimes, like when around strangers!  But I really do feel like my life is too good to be true which brings me to tears on most days.  Usually, I reserve these moments for when I am alone, at the end of the day when we have just gotten everyone in bed.   My husband who I adore and love like crazy is in his office waiting for me to come in to hang with him, I go and check on the boys and see them snuggling tight with each other, Charlotte is snoozing in her bed looking like a precious angel, all is quiet and dark in my comfortable safe home.  We have full bellies from a good dinner and are tired from a full day spent together.  This is when I say a prayer of thanksgiving for the most amazing life that I am fortunate enough to lead.  This is when I shed my tears almost every day.  In quiet, in private. But not this day!  This day I let it all hang out in front of the perfect stranger Physician's Assistant and everyone else in that office!  And I'm not ashamed of it in the slightest bit!!